no more influencers!!!!!
TW: I do talk about eating disorders here.
Sometime in the past year, I started purging my social media accounts.
My TikTok had become nothing but weight-loss content and my Instagram was full of influencers peddling bikinis and vitamins. The phrase, “I bought it after seeing a TikTok!” was coming from every side. Everyone I knew — myself included — was being mega-influenced by beautiful strangers online.
The weight-loss content was my biggest concern. I grew up a cheerleader who hated my body every single day starting in 2nd grade. I would eat nothing except mandarin oranges, do crunches while staring at myself in the mirror and would work out with a photo of model Alexis Ren in front of me as “motivation.”
I would get on my knees and pray to God for an eating disorder.
“I promise I’ll pray every day for a month and be nice to my stepdad if I can just stop being hungry.”
I’ve worked hard in my adult life to move past this mindset, but social media just exacerbated it. I was obsessed with weight-loss and fitness influencers. Before and after photos, meal plans, posing techniques, it all made me feel awful.
I must’ve liked too many TikTok videos that highlighted this content because my For You Page was filled with it. While my friends saw jokes and restaurant reviews, I saw nothing but videos of people’s food diaries and exercise routines.
My Instagram feed was full of people I didn’t know, displaying their glamorous vacations, PR packages and most of all — their perfect bodies and faces.
I felt bombarded by this content. It seemed like everyone either was an influencer or trying to be one. I missed seeing photos of middle school friends, people’s pets and normal life.
So I deleted my TikTok and made a new one, free from constant blitz of weight-loss content, and I unfollowed influencers and celebrities on every social media site.
I no longer want to be sold something every single minute of my life. Influencers are often selling literal products — workout sets, flat tummy teas and skincare products. But they’re also selling a life I cannot have. A 1 bedroom apartment in Manhattan, a boyfriend, vacations, a size 4 body.
My insecurity about my body, my acne scars, my clothes and my general existence is how they make money. I can’t buy away my insecurities. Moving past my problems will take reflection, probably some therapy and definitely anti-depressants.
The constant onslaught of influencer content was part of the reason I couldn’t move forward.
So now I’ve unfollowed them, and I feel better. Perfect and healed? No, but the people I actually know are at the center of my life.
I no longer care about what everyone on TikTok is buying this week. I’m not going to “rebrand” myself in 2022. I choose my skincare products based on ingredients and what my dermatologist recommends. I no longer spend my life trying to emulate strangers on the internet. My Instagram posts are for me and my friends.
I don’t know what the hottest influencers are up to and I don’t really care.
on journalism
I was not feeling inspired at all this week. I thought about writing about headlines or the importance of reading. I considering writing about finding a mentor.
But I couldn’t form a sentence on any of it.
I’ll try again next week.
what I’m reading, listening to and watching
I finally saw The French Dispatch. 4/5 stars.
Preparing for the new season of RuPaul’s Drag Race by watching lots of old content.
This story in New York Magazine about Capitol insurrectionists.
What I’ve bought recently
a couch!!! I’ve lived here since Aug. and finally had enough money to order a couch using a loan!
A reoccurring donation to Bushwick Daily (I live in Bushwick)
A blowout to make me feel better from DryBar. It helped.